another poem

The Ridge

Could it be that

we were separated

all along?

our feet pounding down

the parallel dirt

toes touching

by accident

on purpose

but not forever

and a ridge of earth

growing in between

as we dig

until it is too much

of a wall

for our toes

to climb

on purpose

and touch

Some poetry, inspired by recent events and experiences...

Deeply Awake and Wide Asleep

too soon,
a rising solar flare
burns its passionate colors
over your delicate face
and again
until thickened
and calloused

unfeeling
insensitive
uncaring

unless

the eternal ocean
reaching and pulling
erases underfoot
the more precious
sand
treasured too late

Fasion Role-Model

Would you see me better
if I stood on the cat walk
and shook my hips
wrapped in fabric
that clung
to every boney curve
of my body?

Or can you stand
the sight
of a woman with flaws
extra curves
moles
and pimples
a nose and lips too small
and hair unmanageable
and ordinary?

Which look
will you blindly follow?
With which look
will I walk
ahead?

Positive Self Talk

It's a new trick I have. A little switch turned on, and ever since then I have been playing with this new ability to talk to myself, and believe it. I think that is the key. I used to try to tell myself things, nice things, hopeful things, pleasant and encouraging things. But, I always had a reason to refute those things, and I didn't believe it. Now, I just don't care if it's true to anybody else, or even true at all. It simply doesn't matter. As long as it gets me through the day, or the hour, or the minute, it is a useful thought.

Examples:

I am a passionate and fascinating person. ( heh heh _ I just realized that saying it to myself is a lot more convincing than typing it out and broadcasting over cyberspace).

I can totally handle myself. I have self control. I am in possession of myself. (Not possessed, but in possession. That's different.)

I have experience in surprising myself in new situations. I can do it again.

I have a right to love chocolate, and eat it at will. ;o)

End of an ending

#1: pursue career in counseling

#2: go to religiously conservative university, keeping pagan past and agnostic present to self

#3: discover program is weak in job preparation, not enough internship hours in the right place for licensure, and not requiring teaching certification when most school districts require this before hiring

#4: remember book by Buddhist nun about groundlessness, realize there is no way to control anything, relax, and renew self-delusions

#5: listen to supervisor about cutting back nia classes

#6: talk to husband about stopping nia classes during internship

#7: mourn nia classes

#8: remember book by Buddhist nun about groundlessness

#9: remember book by Buddhist nun about groundlessness