Back room plerkshop

I plan to have some artwork finished and framed for a Venus Envy show here in Saint Louis. I have had this plan for almost 5 years now, after discovering the women's art show. Finally I have a group of show worthy items, but need to have them framed.

Somehow I think that if I show the art, I will then BE an artist. It's a big step for me. I hope it happens next year!

'Plerkshop' is a play-workshop. I have carved out half of the table in my son's playroom in the back of the house.

Passion

Recently remembered something about passion. I read Linda Goodman's Love Signs several years ago - when I was really in to astrology. There's a shortened section in the beginning that talks about each sign and their relationship to love.
I'm a Leo, so mine says: to teach that love is passion, to learn that love is humility
My husband is a Gemini, so his says: to teach that love is awareness, to learn that love is feeling.

Interesting, the different theories of why we do what we do, feel what we feel, or don't do and feel. Maybe most women want to be THE passion of their husband. But, if I must learn humility, then perhaps I need to know that he can see my humanity too.

According to this theory, I should know how to teach passion. Hmmm. I suppose, to be passionate means to attach emotionally to the idea, activity, person, or object of passion. I suppose I live passionately by believing in my intense emotions about things that I am involved in. Even the anger tells me something. Not to follow it into destructive action, but to ACT, to DO SOMETHING to make things better.

This becomes the frustration in my personal relationship. Significant other tends to give up and dig a hole. I want him to PASSIONATELY TRY! Try to cultivate our life together. It doesn't need to be with great feeling, I suppose. (Although that would be great!) But, at least with a commitment to keep going until something works. This applies to our relationship, to squeaking out time together alone, to making our house a little nicer to live in. I get hurt when those things don't seem to be on his list of things to do. It's as if he assumes that nothing will work, so he doesn't even try. Very frustrating.

The idea of 'individual surrender' is an ideal. It's surrendering to what is, to now, to the slow pace of life, and the myriad of things in each second, to that that is greater than the self. Sometimes there is no room for the individual in the NOW. Sometimes the individual shoves all else aside and makes the NOW disappear behind the 'shoulds' and 'wants' and 'not enoughs.'
Right now, I am the Individual, and not the Surrender. Waking up to 'not what I wanted,' I have planted myself in a bad mood. Wishing, wanting somebody else to take better care of me, I am thinking very dark, disappointed thoughts about someone I would like to count on. No surrendering here and NOW. I'm sure I'd be much happier if I could...'should,' 'want to,' but right now, feel like it's 'not enough.'

Ahhh to create something!

Amazing! 15 minutes and a new creative outlet!
Time is so valuable to me and I crave the meaning that creativity affords in my life. There has always had to be SOMETHING to do, to make, to write. It's almost as if I would explode if I don't behave this way. The other alternative is depression and a feeling that my life has little meaning. I know this isn't true. I have two kids, a loving and supportive husband, even a highly expressive (very party time) job... but it's not the same as bringing a work of art into the world.
Perhaps it's really just vanity and pride... that I must affix my identity to that of an artist, or have something to show of who I AM.
So be it. It's what makes me feel good, which makes me a better mom, a nicer wife, and a happier more sane person.
Ahhhh to create something!