Thinking today about how often I am actually enjoying MYSELF lately. It's kind of a new concept. I have always loved to do things by myself - my art work and reading and napping (he he). But, to be alone was sometimes scary. I had a fear of myself, and my mind, and where it would take me. Often my mind took me to some very unfriendly places. Now, I understand that I have an inexhaustable supply of energy available to me - all the time. Sure, I need to recharge now and then... but I can also call on this energy whenever I need it. It doesn't cure all things, but it reminds me that I can enjoy myself.
Also, I used to be really pent up emotionally, and totally in denial about any negative thing about me - feelings, habits, anything. (This was a long time ago). A very recent development is my ability to hold the charge of an emotion - and transform it almost immediately. Angry about something - instead of allowing it to make me feel horrible about my surroundings, and then about myself, and then guilty... I ground myself and take that angry energy and harness it - make it MINE. Make it at my disposal for the ends that I WANT. Such a good feeling to be able to do that. Allowing me to feel less afraid to be alone with my thoughts and feelings. Feeling in control of the one and only thing that I can control... me.
State of the art
3 years ago
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